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Elizabethtown Lions Club
“We Serve”
FEBRUARY 2005
President’s Message
Our January Quad-Club meeting turned out to be an interesting evening. First, we had a number of Lions dignitaries from District 14-D among the visitors. We also had three new perspective members in attendance. Lion Thomas Trayer, who joined our Club on January 25, and on February 8th. Another Lion inductee, Brett Herman, could not attend because of a prior commitment. Then there was Lion Joe's program presenter, Dr.Barton L. Halpern, who brought us up to date on the latest vision correction procedures. The Tail Twisters, with Lion Bob leading the charge, kept everyone on their toes by assessing "shoe fines" as well as conducting a large fifty-fifty raffle. It surely was a night that everyone could enjoy. We are now in February, which gives me some ssatisfaction. It is nice to have the Jekyll and Hyde month of January behind us. The fluctuating temperatures and weather conditions were tough on one's psyche. We can now look forward to the Super Bowl and the high-flying Eagles. They certainly had a great year regardless of the outcome.
I want to add that we have a mystery Philadelphia Eagle in our midst. There is a Lions Club member who worked for the Eagles organization for five years, and befriended such stars as Brian Dawkins. They even attended the same university. You better do some investigating to discover this celebrity's identity in order to earn eating privileges at our next meeting. another target for this month is to be continually looking for new Lions. We have plenty of room for newcomers who would add new dimensions to Lionism. I am sure you all know several people who have all the qualifications. Lion Bill
Cheerleading Competition Cancelled
We regret to inform you that our annual Cheerleading Competition, which had been scheduled for Saturday, March 19, has been cancelled.Co-Chairmen Lions Dennis Kreiner and Dave Mueller had been working diligently for a number of weeks to get all the necessary details in place, but as it turns out, that date is one on which there are several major competitions at the national level, which have taken away many of the squads who normally participate in our event. Other dates and options were considered but nothing could be found which was satisfactory. So,
with some of the major teams missing, the concern was that our attendance would be seriously diminished and we would run the risk of losing money on the event. Rather than take that chance, the committee, with Board approval, decided to cancel the event for this year. They hope to hold the Competition again next year.In the meantime, if you have an idea for a new project to serve as a fund-raiser, please contact Lion President Bill as soon as possible. The Club is open to any such suggestions.
Programs for February
Tuesday, February 8, 6:15 p.m., at the Fire Hall – This snow and cold will eventually end and thoughts will turn toward spring and … baseball. April 28 will be Opening Day for the Lancaster Barnstormers as they begin their inaugural season in the independent Atlantic League. A representative of the Barnstormers will be the speaker at this meeting. Plan to attend to learn of the ararival and future of minor league baseball in our area.
Tuesday, February 22, 6:15 p.m., at the Fire Hall – Dr. Alan Thrush, Superintendent of the Elizabethtown Area School District, will be our guest at this meeting. Dr. Thrush has asked to speak to us regarding Act 72, the Property Tax Reduction Act. This is a complex issue that has caused a lot of debate and questions regarding its impact on local school districts and taxpayers. This meeting will provide a forum to learn of the changes expected from this recently enacted legislation.
Greeters for February
For the February 8 meeting: Lions Dean Dochterman and Steve Roland
For the February 22 meeting: Lions Dale Horst and Frank Telenko
Welcome Lions Brett and Tom!
At our regular meeting on January 25 we were pleased to induct two new members into our Club.New Lion Brett Herman, who was sponsored by President Bill, lives in York but works in Elizabethtown. He is an Investment Representative and manages the local office of Edward Jones. Lion Brett is married and he and his wife are looking forward to moving into the Elizabethtown area in the near future.Our other newest member, Lion Tom Trayer, has lived in our community for the past nine years. He and his wife have a 12 year old son, and a ten year old daughter. Lion Tom works for Wellspan, in York.Lion Tom was sponsored by Lion Dean Dochterman.Please take a moment to introduce yourself to these newest members of our Club and make them feel welcome. It is always a pleasure to have new members join us in our efforts to assist the less fortunate individuals locally, nationally, and internationally.
Pie Sale Results
Thanks to all the Lions who sold shoo-fly and holiday pies last fall. We sold a total of 601 pies – 359 holiday pies, and 242 shoo-fly pies. The Club received a profit of $1007.25. Also received were donations totaling $87.00. We donated 13 shoo-fly pies to the First Church of God for the Thanksgiving Dinner they offer to the community. Congratulations to Lion Charlie Metzger who again was the top salesman with a total of 156 pies. He has earned this honor numerous times and did so again with an outstanding effort. Thank you Lion Charlie. Can anybody top this guy?
LCIF Donation
Our Club Secretary, Lion Dale Horst, recently informed us that the Lions Clubs International Foundataion (LCIF) has donated $750,000.00 towards the relief effort to help the victims of the December 26 tsunami which struck southern Asia. Our Club contributes to LCIF each year so, in a small but important way, we have given financial support to those unfortunate people.
Audit Completed
An audit of our Club's financial records for Lions year 2003-04 has been completed and the auditors report that everything was done properly and supporting documentation was all in good order. Lion Treasurer Paul Lesoine is to be commended for his work. It is a time consuming and responsible position and he fulfills the role perfectly. How 'bout a round of applause for Lion Paul thanks. Nice work, Lion Paul!
Dues Statements
The enclosed dues statements are payable upon receipt and should be either mailed to the Club at the address stamped at the bottom of the statement, or brought to our next meeting and given to our Assistant Treasurer, Lion George Kishbaugh. Prompt payment of your dues will help
keep our Club on sound financial footing, and will be greatly appreciated.
Youth Camps
The very popular Lions Youth Camps will be conducted again this spring. The Camp for boys will be held April 1-3, and the Girls Camp will take place on April 8-10. We have a girl to send representing our Club but we are still looking for a boy to send. The boy should currently be a Junior in high school and although it would be nice to have him be the son of one of our members, that is not necessary. Applications are available by contacting either President Bill Earhart or Secretary Dale Horst. If you know of a candidate, please act promptly to obtain, complete, and return the application.
Lotsalaughs
The Editor sends his apologies for the limited amount of space available for humor in the Lions Ledger over the past few months. The important information has taken up most of the lines in each issue. However, this month we make up for lost laughs. Actual "news" items required less than three pages so that leaves more than a page for sharing some jokes.So, at no extra charge, here are some of the jokes I have been saving for you …………..
* A bus load of politicians was traveling down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
Actual signs seen in commercial establishments:
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be
disposed of.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light
goes out.
In a Los Angles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
* When speaking about a controversial issue, a politician once said, "Half my friends are for it, and half my friends are opposed to it. I want you to know I stand firmly with my friends."
* My wife is so talented. She does bird imitations. She watches me like a hawk.
* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
* A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays."
* Only in America do we have a General in charge of the post office and a Secretary in charge of defense.
* "I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception." (Groucho Marx)
* A ten year old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." The librarian said "t-e-q-u-i-l-a" and the girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came back to the desk looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it!" she said. "What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. Replied the girl, "Tequila Mockingbird."
* A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of a car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28-ounce water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes, Ma'am, we've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps, too." "Finally," she says, "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full-service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need – like a 28-ounce water pump,"
he says, smiling, as he jots down customer pick-up – "Datsun 280Z water pump, number …."
* After reading the morning headlines about the recent stock market downturn, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn?"
* Dining out one evening I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table. When one of the girls pulled out a camera, I offered to take a picture of the group. After one photo I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't come out. "That's OK," she said as she took her camera back, "I always get double prints."
* A youngster drew a Christmas scene that showed Santa, sleigh and reindeer. There were the regular eight and Rudolph, plus a strange looking tenth animal. The addition looked like a cross between a reindeer and a cow with a green nose. The youngster explained that it was … Olive, the udder reindeer.
* A college student was thrown out of his apartment for not paying his rent, so he sends an email to his father. "Please send money. I'm in the street." The father replies, "Have no money. Watch out for cars."
* My brother is in quite a pickle. He has a serious inner ear problem and needs surgery soon, or he'll lose his hearing in that ear. He doesn't have insurance, though, and of course the surgery is expensive. He has found a solution, though. A local elderly widow has offered to pay for the whole operation, but only if he'll marry her afterwards. But she's fifty years older than him. I guess you could call it a wife of deaf situation.
* John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do."
* There's a scuba diving geologist who has made it his business to measure the relative sizes of the rises, drops, cavities and undulations of coral formations. Of course this can only be done in the summer months so he takes the winters off to avoid the frigid air. You may call him a frost-free reef ridge rater.
(After that one I'd better get outta here! More next month??)
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